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Motherhood - Where My Unbecoming Becomes Something Beautiful

The space in between who I am and who I'm becoming.
That's where you enter in.
With your tiny fingers and bite sized toes
and a presence that sends waves through the atmosphere.

There's talk of losing yourself in motherhood, and I know that's real.
But can we talk of finding yourself?
Let's look to the layers shed - the unraveling of what never was.
Superficiality has no room here - there is simply no space for it.
So we shed what we never really were, and we step,
fully and boldly into what we were always to become.

There is fullness here. There is exhaustion.
There is passion and there is surrender.
All of this adds up to a motherhood intolerant of bullshit.
We simply don't have the time.

So here is the space where my unbecoming becomes something beautiful.
I will do my best to open my hands to this change
And with every step further into motherhood,
with every new breath
I will learn to allow these children of mine to
show me the way back to myself.

                                                                                           

I thought that having children meant losing - losing freedom, losing your body, losing yourself. And society echoed those thoughts and fed those fears. Moms are frazzled, exhausted people who no longer have space to know who they are... Are there days where that feels true? Sure. Am I exhausted? Hell yes. Am I lost? Not at all.

Becoming a mother opened my eyes to all the things that I was trying to take on that simply weren't mine. Having my daughters forced me to confront myself in hopes that my shit doesn't become their shit. Becoming a parent made me slow down in ways that I was avoiding desperately. I started finding myself beneath the layers and layers of protection that I put on in life.

A layer shed, a breath taken, a step forward.

So yes, motherhood is hard. And yes, you can absolutely lose yourself there. I have, and if you have or you're currently there give yourself grace, friend. This is not an easy road. But motherhood is also a place of discovery, a place where deep creativity is birthed and the desire to please the world starts to die.

So instead of talking about motherhood as a constraint, can we instead talk about it as liberation?

Drop a comment and let me know some ways you've found yourself through motherhood!

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